Beautiful as Hell

MrSeeker · 01-21-2004, 03:29 AM

This didnt come out the way i wanted it,but its ok...i have written this over about 4 different times,this ones more people friendly (i guess you would say). Hope you like it even though I dont,hehe.

"The blood flows as the moment slows
There she is with her poisened lips
The one every guy wants
A beautiful body she loves to flaunt

Beautiful, she's so beautiful

She's the one who knows your weakness
She'll put on her charm and leave you defenseless
She has a way with her words
She'll get what she wants then kick you to the curb

Beautiful, she's so beautiful
Beautiful as Hell

Her beautiful silky skin
Hides her lies within
And although I coulnt tell
She's as beautiful as Hell"

Please rate a 1 through 10 please! (10 being very good, 1 being horrible)

mriamboring · 01-21-2004, 10:28 AM

seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it...

creedsister · 01-21-2004, 02:44 PM

Very diffrernt mrseeker than your other stuff it was short but HELL i liked it UMMMMMMMMM i give it A big 10 because it was so diffrent from your other stuff but yet good what can i say it was beautiful As hell

MrSeeker · 01-21-2004, 06:27 PM

actually, i didnt take the idea from creed. i wrote it up several different ways. I wrote it with severel different meanings also.
anywayz, Thanks Ta!

Dogstar · 01-21-2004, 06:36 PM

Quote: (Originally Posted by mriamboring) seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it...

Actually, that theme is a pretty universal one written about by many and in many different ways.

I like your effort, MrSeeker and it conveys the theme clearly. I give it an 8

.

MrSeeker · 01-21-2004, 07:11 PM

Thanks!!!
I totally think it sucks though,haha. i dont know why,it didnt come out like i wanted it to...when i re-wite it, i will post it,you guys will hopefully like that one better

mriamboring · 01-21-2004, 08:36 PM

yo, just to clarify i wasn't having a go. i think it was well written and yeh i know the theme is that of an experience many of us have gone through, was just saying there are many similarities there.

MrSeeker · 01-21-2004, 10:12 PM

You should read my other stuff because this one (to me) is the worst i've written...

creedsister · 01-21-2004, 10:25 PM

Quote: (Originally Posted by MrSeeker) You should read my other stuff because this one (to me) is the worst i've written...

why please forgive me for my use of words but she sounds like a harlot a temptress Hahaha if you know what i mean im sorry but thats all i get out this one Like Motleys Teaser on decade of decadence~~hey But its all good~

MrSeeker · 01-22-2004, 01:44 AM

Yea,hehehe,its all good

Aimee · 01-22-2004, 11:15 AM

I don't think it's bad at all. I know some of the stuff I wrote and think of as bad is other people's favorite. I like this one... I give it an 8 as well!
Edited to say that I like the title best of all.

MrSeeker · 01-22-2004, 07:43 PM

Thank you

njcreedite · 01-24-2004, 10:12 PM

I like the evil dark stuff better...but that's just me.

This was alright though...6

MrSeeker · 01-25-2004, 03:07 AM

Yea, I want to re-write the is to make it darker

01-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#3
creedsister USER INFO » Status: Tree of Wisdom Posts: 8,290 Joined: Oct 2003 Currently: Offline	Very diffrernt mrseeker than your other stuff it was short but HELL i liked it UMMMMMMMMM i give it A big 10 because it was so diffrent from your other stuff but yet good what can i say it was beautiful As hell __________________ Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything

01-21-2004, 06:36 PM	#5
Dogstar Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Young Grown Old Posts: 21,348 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by mriamboring) seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it... Actually, that theme is a pretty universal one written about by many and in many different ways. I like your effort, MrSeeker and it conveys the theme clearly. I give it an 8 . __________________ Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

01-21-2004, 10:25 PM	#9
creedsister USER INFO » Status: Tree of Wisdom Posts: 8,290 Joined: Oct 2003 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by MrSeeker) You should read my other stuff because this one (to me) is the worst i've written... why please forgive me for my use of words but she sounds like a harlot a temptress Hahaha if you know what i mean im sorry but thats all i get out this one Like Motleys Teaser on decade of decadence~~hey But its all good~ __________________ Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything

01-22-2004, 11:15 AM	#11
Aimee USER INFO » Status: INK'ed Posts: 822 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	I don't think it's bad at all. I know some of the stuff I wrote and think of as bad is other people's favorite. I like this one... I give it an 8 as well! Edited to say that I like the title best of all. __________________ The capacity for passion is both cruel and divine. George Sand - 1834 Last edited by Aimee : 01-22-2004 at 11:17 AM.

01-24-2004, 10:12 PM	#13
njcreedite USER INFO » Status: INK'ed Posts: 808 Joined: Jan 2003 Currently: Offline	I like the evil dark stuff better...but that's just me. This was alright though...6 __________________ eddie vedder quote:: We were both singers. Chris Cornell The first time we played he came to this little club and he told me that it was really good and he was thankful that I was there and that I was who I was, or something really nice, but the whole time he was saying this, he didn't realize but he was standing under a black light, and his teeth were glowing and his eyes were glowing. I remember it as my first conversation with Satan ..."

01-21-2004, 10:28 AM	#2
mriamboring USER INFO » Status: Illusion Posts: 24 Joined: Oct 2003 Currently: Offline	seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it...

01-21-2004, 08:36 PM	#7
mriamboring USER INFO » Status: Illusion Posts: 24 Joined: Oct 2003 Currently: Offline	yo, just to clarify i wasn't having a go. i think it was well written and yeh i know the theme is that of an experience many of us have gone through, was just saying there are many similarities there.

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