As the moon shatters

uncertaindrumer · 11-10-2005, 11:52 AM

Yeah so this piece=me+tenminutes+write it down no matter how nonsensical it is. Turned out well, or at least I think so.

The questions are all the same
Different words are used
Rhyming is gone, harmony out
A large mess of contradicting noise

Animal voices screeching
In the area off-limits
Time again, time again
No one left to listen

But then: One understands what I say
One doesn’t turn around
Looks in my eyes, looks at my face
Doesn’t hide the verum-i*

You give me a reason to write
Behind is a life that was written for me
A reflection of what I wanted to be
I never thought you could even exist

Hit me like water on rocks
A melting pot of all that is good
Nothing left to question
When my mind is next to yours

Arm around the shoulders
Or thought provoking words
Juxtaposition of two ideas
A way of life... which just works out

Hearkening back to days ago
Years it might as well be
Reminiscing as the moon shatters
A little is left for you and I

Freedom to say it, even if I can’t play it
With anything resembling a key
A to Z, or A to G, pick your poison
Or pick me

*latin word for truth. Not sure why I threw the latin in there. Just seemed to fit.

Rocketqueen · 11-10-2005, 12:05 PM

cool that was latin i love you smart ones at the feed outstanding loved the entire thing A to Z was awsome to throw in too interesting

Ana4Stapp · 11-10-2005, 03:45 PM

Great lyrics, uncertain!

Like specially that part:

You give me a reason to write
Behind is a life that was written for me
A reflection of what I wanted to be
I never thought you could even exist

Hit me like water on rocks
A melting pot of all that is good
Nothing left to question
When my mind is next to yours

Rocketqueen · 11-10-2005, 10:45 PM

a melting pot of all thats good nothing left to question when my mind is next to yours... thats the part i liked as well

MrSeeker · 11-11-2005, 01:38 AM

Meh. I just can't get into it.

It seems to be just words. I see no feeling behind it. Sorry.

Creed7352 · 11-11-2005, 02:02 AM

seems like more of a poem to me too...nice work though.

uncertaindrumer · 11-11-2005, 08:56 AM

It is a poem. I think it is one of my best. I manage to avoid cliches and stupid rhymes. I also keep a theme throughout but is not to blunt and obvious. I think I finally got a couple of decent metaphors into this one.

Dang writing good poems/songs is hard...

Rocketqueen · 11-11-2005, 11:02 AM

Quote: (Originally Posted by MrSeeker) Meh. I just can't get into it.

It seems to be just words. I see no feeling behind it. Sorry.

Rocketqueen · 11-11-2005, 11:05 AM

Quote: (Originally Posted by Creed7352) seems like more of a poem to me too...nice work though.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love Your Avi

Anna1011 · 11-12-2005, 07:18 AM

i liked this one better than the last one you posted

uncertaindrumer · 11-12-2005, 11:53 AM

This one is better. lol

Creed7352 · 11-15-2005, 11:57 AM

Quote: (Originally Posted by uncertaindrumer) It is a poem. I think it is one of my best. I manage to avoid cliches and stupid rhymes. I also keep a theme throughout but is not to blunt and obvious. I think I finally got a couple of decent metaphors into this one.

Dang writing good poems/songs is hard...

ah, my bad..i thought you had said it was a song.

and yes, writing good poems/songs is hard.

11-10-2005, 11:52 AM	#1
uncertaindrumer USER INFO » Status: Wound Up Posts: 1,255 Joined: Dec 2004 Currently: Offline	As the moon shatters Yeah so this piece=me+tenminutes+write it down no matter how nonsensical it is. Turned out well, or at least I think so. The questions are all the same Different words are used Rhyming is gone, harmony out A large mess of contradicting noise Animal voices screeching In the area off-limits Time again, time again No one left to listen But then: One understands what I say One doesn’t turn around Looks in my eyes, looks at my face Doesn’t hide the verum-i* You give me a reason to write Behind is a life that was written for me A reflection of what I wanted to be I never thought you could even exist Hit me like water on rocks A melting pot of all that is good Nothing left to question When my mind is next to yours Arm around the shoulders Or thought provoking words Juxtaposition of two ideas A way of life... which just works out Hearkening back to days ago Years it might as well be Reminiscing as the moon shatters A little is left for you and I Freedom to say it, even if I can’t play it With anything resembling a key A to Z, or A to G, pick your poison Or pick me *latin word for truth. Not sure why I threw the latin in there. Just seemed to fit. __________________ Titans baby, Titans.

11-10-2005, 12:05 PM	#2
Rocketqueen USER INFO » Status: Freedom Fighter Posts: 2,432 Joined: Oct 2005 Currently: Offline	cool that was latin i love you smart ones at the feed outstanding loved the entire thing A to Z was awsome to throw in too interesting __________________ I Indeed Babtize you with water BUT ONE Mightier Than I Cometh The Latchet Of Whose Shoes I,am Not Worthy To Unloose He Shall Babtize You With The Holy Ghost And With FIREEEEEEEEEE John The Babtist You Never Count Your Money When YOUR Sittin At The Table There Will Be Time Enough To Count,em When The Dealings Done

11-10-2005, 10:45 PM	#4
Rocketqueen USER INFO » Status: Freedom Fighter Posts: 2,432 Joined: Oct 2005 Currently: Offline	a melting pot of all thats good nothing left to question when my mind is next to yours... thats the part i liked as well __________________ I Indeed Babtize you with water BUT ONE Mightier Than I Cometh The Latchet Of Whose Shoes I,am Not Worthy To Unloose He Shall Babtize You With The Holy Ghost And With FIREEEEEEEEEE John The Babtist You Never Count Your Money When YOUR Sittin At The Table There Will Be Time Enough To Count,em When The Dealings Done

11-11-2005, 08:56 AM	#7
uncertaindrumer USER INFO » Status: Wound Up Posts: 1,255 Joined: Dec 2004 Currently: Offline	It is a poem. I think it is one of my best. I manage to avoid cliches and stupid rhymes. I also keep a theme throughout but is not to blunt and obvious. I think I finally got a couple of decent metaphors into this one. Dang writing good poems/songs is hard... __________________ Titans baby, Titans. Last edited by uncertaindrumer : 11-11-2005 at 09:07 AM.

11-11-2005, 11:02 AM	#8
Rocketqueen USER INFO » Status: Freedom Fighter Posts: 2,432 Joined: Oct 2005 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by MrSeeker) Meh. I just can't get into it. It seems to be just words. I see no feeling behind it. Sorry. __________________ I Indeed Babtize you with water BUT ONE Mightier Than I Cometh The Latchet Of Whose Shoes I,am Not Worthy To Unloose He Shall Babtize You With The Holy Ghost And With FIREEEEEEEEEE John The Babtist You Never Count Your Money When YOUR Sittin At The Table There Will Be Time Enough To Count,em When The Dealings Done

11-11-2005, 02:02 AM	#6
Creed7352 USER INFO » Status: Faceless Fan Posts: 512 Joined: May 2004 Currently: Offline	seems like more of a poem to me too...nice work though.

11-11-2005, 11:05 AM	#9
Rocketqueen USER INFO » Status: Freedom Fighter Posts: 2,432 Joined: Oct 2005 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by Creed7352) seems like more of a poem to me too...nice work though. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love Your Avi __________________ I Indeed Babtize you with water BUT ONE Mightier Than I Cometh The Latchet Of Whose Shoes I,am Not Worthy To Unloose He Shall Babtize You With The Holy Ghost And With FIREEEEEEEEEE John The Babtist You Never Count Your Money When YOUR Sittin At The Table There Will Be Time Enough To Count,em When The Dealings Done

11-12-2005, 11:53 AM	#11
uncertaindrumer USER INFO » Status: Wound Up Posts: 1,255 Joined: Dec 2004 Currently: Offline	This one is better. lol __________________ Titans baby, Titans.

11-15-2005, 11:57 AM	#12
Creed7352 USER INFO » Status: Faceless Fan Posts: 512 Joined: May 2004 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by uncertaindrumer) It is a poem. I think it is one of my best. I manage to avoid cliches and stupid rhymes. I also keep a theme throughout but is not to blunt and obvious. I think I finally got a couple of decent metaphors into this one. Dang writing good poems/songs is hard... ah, my bad..i thought you had said it was a song. and yes, writing good poems/songs is hard.

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