CreedFeed Community - View Single Post - Impetus For Change- very personal

metalanus · 12-03-2005, 12:47 PM

ok here is the story of this one. My dad has been going through an emotional time with his father dying, being sick, and my sister having relationship problems. Today I slammed a door out of anger over something silly and my dad who I never thought would do this cussed at me and came outside and grabbed my shirt pulled his hand back and said listen here you sone of a bitch. He did not hit me but it hurt nonetheless emotionally and the neighbors saw it. I never thought my dad would do that because I have never seen him raise a hand towards anyone in anger ever before and I usually tell everyone how he is a good example of being a loving parent. Im almost 20 so this feeling of betrayal, and guilt hit me hard. I sat in the back pasture and cried untill he left to go christmas shopping. I am not angry now because I realise how the situation has brought out the worst of him and that he needs help and support now. Im moving out soon 1 year at the latest when I go to graduate school but im shure its time to move on and the time away might bring us closer.

this may still sound angry though because I wrote it right after.

Somethings cant be erased
what I thought could not
seems to be gone
Dont know if I'm willing
to start again or move on

The feeling of betrayal
I will never forget
I don't expect to be the same
one thing you have given me
is an impetus for change

Im leaving and I won't be back
till I've wiped the tears from my eyes
release whats botteled up
before it turns to hate inside

feel free to critique and give support for the current situation im dealing with also keep my family in your prayers.

12-03-2005, 12:47 PM	#1
metalanus USER INFO » Status: Broken Dream Posts: 168 Joined: Aug 2005 Currently: Offline	Impetus For Change- very personal ok here is the story of this one. My dad has been going through an emotional time with his father dying, being sick, and my sister having relationship problems. Today I slammed a door out of anger over something silly and my dad who I never thought would do this cussed at me and came outside and grabbed my shirt pulled his hand back and said listen here you sone of a bitch. He did not hit me but it hurt nonetheless emotionally and the neighbors saw it. I never thought my dad would do that because I have never seen him raise a hand towards anyone in anger ever before and I usually tell everyone how he is a good example of being a loving parent. Im almost 20 so this feeling of betrayal, and guilt hit me hard. I sat in the back pasture and cried untill he left to go christmas shopping. I am not angry now because I realise how the situation has brought out the worst of him and that he needs help and support now. Im moving out soon 1 year at the latest when I go to graduate school but im shure its time to move on and the time away might bring us closer. this may still sound angry though because I wrote it right after. Somethings cant be erased what I thought could not seems to be gone Dont know if I'm willing to start again or move on The feeling of betrayal I will never forget I don't expect to be the same one thing you have given me is an impetus for change Im leaving and I won't be back till I've wiped the tears from my eyes release whats botteled up before it turns to hate inside feel free to critique and give support for the current situation im dealing with also keep my family in your prayers.