okay a couple of little jokes i'll share.....
A blonde calls the fire brigade and exclaims "aaghhh my house is burning down all around me, quick you need to come and save my house". The operator calmly saids "sure but how do we get to your house"?. blondie responds "helllooooo....in the big red truck of course"!
A couple go to a fancy french restaurant and wait patiently to be served. The waiter approaches their table and the man asks for the biggest, thickest porterhouse steak in the place. The waiter says "Monsieur, what about ze mad cow?" The man responds "She'll have a salad!"