|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
04-21-2005, 04:01 PM | #1 |
USER INFO »
Status: Found Peace
Posts: 8,631
Joined: Apr 2003
Currently: Offline
|
A must-read for the guys --- The official "women's point" system for rating us
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit - demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed..............................................+ 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....-1 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1 You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5 in the snow.............................................. .....+8 but return with beer..........................................-5 and no liners............................................ ....-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................+2 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5 You pummel it with a six iron................................+10 It's her cat............................................... ..-50 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0 You stay by her side for a while then go to chat with a friend from school............................................ .......-2 Named Tiffany........................................... ......-4 Tiffany is now a dancer......................................-10 With breast implants.........................................-18 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday............................... 0 You buy a card and flowers.............................. 0 You take her out to dinner.............................. 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1 It is a sports bar......................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3 And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............................................. .....-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS You go out with a pal............................... 0 The pal is happily married..........................+1 The pal is single...................................-7 He drives a Ferrari................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).......-15 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie...................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes.........................+4 You take her to a movie you hate..........................+6 You take her to a movie you like..........................-2 It's called Death Cop III.................................-3 Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans....-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................,.-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.+10 You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts............-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............-800 THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding......................-10 You reply, "Where?".............................-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".........-100 Any other response..............................-20 COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....................0 You listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......,..+50 You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".........................-100 You have fallen asleep.........................................-200 IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH....... You talk.........................................-100 You don't talk...................................-150 You spend time with her..........................-200 You don't spend time with her....................-500 H-D
__________________
Today I'm gonna try a little harder Gonna make every minute last longer Gonna learn to forgive and forget 'Cause we don't have long Gonna make the most of it Today I'm gonna love my enemies Reach out to somebody who needs me Make a change, make the world a better place 'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late --lyrics from "One Day Too Late" by Skillet from their new album "Awake" |
04-21-2005, 05:10 PM | #2 |
USER INFO »
Status: Blue Collar
Posts: 650
Joined: Sep 2004
Currently: Offline
|
lmao at TIffany the dancer.
i feel that is innacurate. lol. but only by a little.
__________________
-Amber "A person should not believe in an "-ism," he should believe in himself." -Ferris Bueller |
04-21-2005, 06:20 PM | #3 |
USER INFO »
Status: Found The Real
Posts: 10,546
Joined: Aug 2003
Currently: Offline
|
that's great
__________________
|
04-21-2005, 08:13 PM | #4 |
USER INFO »
Status: Rising Sun
Posts: 3,976
Joined: Mar 2004
Currently: Offline
|
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............-800
__________________
She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
04-22-2005, 09:26 PM | #5 |
USER INFO »
Status: Tree of Wisdom
Posts: 8,290
Joined: Oct 2003
Currently: Offline
|
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Bitches just gotta love,em
__________________
Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything |
04-22-2005, 10:08 PM | #6 |
Forum Diplomat
USER INFO »
Status: Saving Grace
Posts: 12,439
Joined: Sep 2002
Currently: Offline
|
That's hysterical, and way too true.
__________________
MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous. SP: Actually, we are setting that up. MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us. |
04-22-2005, 11:29 PM | #7 |
USER INFO »
Status: Tree of Wisdom
Posts: 8,025
Joined: Sep 2002
Currently: Offline
|
LMAO!!!
I'll translate it to Portuguese! Thanks Colin!
__________________
.:: "If people don't like guitar solos... then they're frikkin' stupid!" - Mark Tremonti ::. |
04-23-2005, 11:02 AM | #8 |
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 914
Joined: Jan 2003
Currently: Offline
|
HD...
It's good to be back, i missed your jokes!! HG |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|