Impetus For Change- very personal

[metalanus]

ok here is the story of this one. My dad has been going through an emotional time with his father dying, being sick, and my sister having relationship problems. Today I slammed a door out of anger over something silly and my dad who I never thought would do this cussed at me and came outside and grabbed my shirt pulled his hand back and said listen here you sone of a bitch. He did not hit me but it hurt nonetheless emotionally and the neighbors saw it. I never thought my dad would do that because I have never seen him raise a hand towards anyone in anger ever before and I usually tell everyone how he is a good example of being a loving parent. Im almost 20 so this feeling of betrayal, and guilt hit me hard. I sat in the back pasture and cried untill he left to go christmas shopping. I am not angry now because I realise how the situation has brought out the worst of him and that he needs help and support now. Im moving out soon 1 year at the latest when I go to graduate school but im shure its time to move on and the time away might bring us closer.

this may still sound angry though because I wrote it right after.

Somethings cant be erased
what I thought could not
seems to be gone
Dont know if I'm willing
to start again or move on

The feeling of betrayal
I will never forget
I don't expect to be the same
one thing you have given me
is an impetus for change

Im leaving and I won't be back
till I've wiped the tears from my eyes
release whats botteled up
before it turns to hate inside


feel free to critique and give support for the current situation im dealing with also keep my family in your prayers.

[Rocketqueen]

somethings cant be erased , the feeling of betryal i know family situtions can get tense sometimes but the one thing i would like to add for you and yours that lack of understanding and not seeing eye to eye everybody gets bottled up and its more bottling when you kinda feel their bottling and more bottling when you like know your famliy sooner or later thats like a time bomb i get cussed at everyday but thats the only language my loved ones understands, once in a great while i,ll get a sorry HAAAAAAAAAA i know your trying to live for God In All it gets tense sometimes but your poem was very strong and well written and i will pray for you and yours i hope by now you have found some about the sitution your having

[metalanus]

things turned out ok. My dad apologised and I apologised which he rarely does. I did not know it but has an absessed tooth amoung the other stuff. My dad is a christain and deacon so for him to cuss at me and do that surprised me because its not at all him. We both have laughed about it since.

[Rocketqueen]

you know what that reminds me of something , you recall the snowbeast in the story Of Rudolph very populaur this time of year but anyways Rudolph and his little friend the elf that wanted to be denist that thought the snowbeast wanted to eat theme alive :) and it turns out that was not the case at all He also had a toothache im glad you guys made up